Show, don't Tell

Today we introduced the term 'Show, don't Tell' to our group and talked about what this might mean in terms of writing and how this technique can improve our writing.

Sometimes a writer "tells" as a shortcut, to move quickly to the next part of the story.  By "showing" we are creating a vivid picture in the reader's mind and getting away from the repitition of boring and empty words.  Secondly, showing is interactive and participatory: it forces the reader to become involved in the story, deducing facts for themselves, rather than just taking information in as they read.

However, a novel that contains only showing would be incredibly long; therefore, a narrative does need to have some telling as well.  Tricky to get the balance just right!

One way to check our work for telling moments is to  read through our draft writing for adjectives. Circle each one, such as "happy" or "tall." Analyse each one. Is there a way to pull the adjective out altogether and show it instead?

For example, if Larry is tall, show him stoop under the doorway as he enters the room. Or have his wife hug him, her nose not even reaching his chest. From those types of details, readers figure out that Larry is tall without you ever using that word—without you telling us that’s he’s tall.

Examples that we discussed today were:
TELL- The water was cold.
SHOW - AS I dipped my toe into the water a shiver ran up my spine.

TELL - The dog was mad.
SHOW - The dog's low growl and bared teeth greeted the paper boy at the gate.

TELL - I cried.
SHOW - I felt my eyes fill with tears and then tasted the salt as they ran down my face.

We then had a go at SHOWING that it was snowy outside without using the word 'snow'.  Given that we've just had several days of snow with heavy snow still lying around the township it wasn't hard for students to try to paint a picture with their words on this topic.  Here are our first attempts:

• The cold, wet, white blanket lay ahead of me (Rylee)
• It looked like someone had painted the whole world white (Mac)
• The white blanket covers the land and little white flakes fall on the ground (Keegan)
• Icy crystal droplets cover the frozen land forming a powdery blanket of sparkling ice (Sam)
• Everything outside glared with a frosty white blanket covering the land (Autumn)